Bald Heads and Dorky Glasses
by Skippy1
Summary: My first fanfiction I wrote like a year ago. It's um, silly, stupid, and senseless, but it amused me very much. If you hate Harry, you'll probably like it.
1. An Evil Redhead Boy

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any other of the characters in this, and I'm not making money off of this. A/N: Um, please don't flame me. If you are in love with Harry, beware. Prologue An Evil Redhead Boy  
  
"It was a dark night the night when I plotted out my evil scheme.  
Wait. All nights are dark. Oh well."  
  
Ronald Bartholomew Weasley said these words out loud before he wrote them down in his diary. He thought about the previous night....the night he had planned to  
  
KILL HARRY POTTER!  
  
Harry was a dork. There was no other way to say it. No, actually there was. Freak, loser, nerd, etc. The only friend Harry had was him, and Hermione, also a dork, but not as much of one. Ron had no other friends. He yearned to be part of the popular crowd of Slytherin. Draco Malfoy was the leader. Only a few people knew, but really, they were working for Voldemort!  
  
It did not matter to Ron that they worked for Voldemort. Personally he believed in that "no good, no evil, only power". And he knew the archenemy of the evil crowd was Harry Potter. He would do anything to be part of the Evil Crowd. Even KILL HARRY POTTER! 


	2. Yellow and Red Makes Orange

Chapter 1  
  
Yellow and Red makes Orange!  
  
Draco Malfoy sat in the common room, thinking. Suddenly a bunch of people came in through the painting. They started talking and yelling. They were disturbing his thinking. Draco left for his bedroom. He quietly opened the door, but did not walk in or turn on the light. It was dark. Too dark. It was quiet. Too quiet. He turned on the light. There was no one in the room. Suddenly his chair spun around. Ronald Bartholomew Weasley was sitting in it. Draco screamed like a girl.  
  
"Weasel!" he yelled. "How did you get here? And  
  
what is up with that haircut? It is hideous!"  
  
"You don't like it?" Ron asked, sounding hurt.  
  
"How did you get here?" Draco demanded.  
  
"Well, I would tell you, but you insulted my new haircut. But, you are lucky because I have a wondrous plan for you." Ron stood up and leaned against the wall, by the window. "Would you like to hear my wonderfully evil plan? I know you will be interested." Draco was in a good mood today.  
  
"Sure. Why not?" he responded. As he pretended to listen to Ron, he walked over and opened the window.  
  
"Okay. So on the evening of February 30th...." Draco pushed Ron out  
the window and watched him fall.  
  
***********  
  
Ron awoke in the hospital wing. Harry and Hermione were at his side.  
  
"All right Ron?" asked Harry, who saw he was awake.  
  
"I think I will shave my head," said Ron stupidly.  
  
"Uh oh," said Harry. "I think he has brain damage."  
  
"No actually, I think he has gotten a lot smarter," said Hermione.  
  
"But Ron, your new haircut is exactly like mine. I thought we were  
going to be twins!" said Harry. Ron and Hermione stared at Harry. Suddenly Ron gasped.  
  
"Harry! Malfoy is planning to kill you! I remember now! On the  
evening of February 30th!"  
  
"YAY! I mean, oh," said Hermione, but Harry did not understand, because, well, Harry was stupid.  
  
"I must leave February 30th or something!" Harry said.  
  
"Yes! But only in the evening. After your classes you will go sleep  
in the Forbidden Forest!"  
  
"Okay. Bye. We have to go to class," said Harry. Harry and Hermione got up and left. Ron smiled an evil smile.  
  
This was just part of his evil plan.... 


	3. Blondes Have No Reason to Shave Their He...

Chapter 2 Blondes Have No Reason To Shave Their Head  
  
Ron had been released from the hospital wing, but after all of his classes for the day. He had been thinking in his dorm room. Now he had finished thinking, and now he would start to fulfill his second plan.  
  
*******************  
  
Draco Malfoy sat in his chair. He looked out the window, the same one that he had pushed the weasel out of. He was thinking about what the weasel had said before he pushed him out the window. He was talking about killing Harry Potter. And now after he thought about it, the plan he had said was actually quite brilliant.  
  
If only he could talk to Weasley..  
  
*******  
  
Harry and Hermione walked down the hall together, and they bumped into  
Ron. Ron had finished his second plan. His head was completely shaven. Hermione fell to her knees and screamed,  
  
"GLORY HALLELJUAH!" Harry looked hurt.  
  
"But, Ron," he whimpered. "I thought we were going to have the same  
hairstyle and pretend to be twins." Ron and Hermione stared at Harry.  
  
"Your hairstyle sucks," replied Ron, after an awkward silence. Harry ran off crying.  
  
"I think Harry is the one with brain damage," remarked Hermione, after  
she and Ron laughed at Harry for a minute. "I have to go to the library now for homework. See you later."  
  
"Okay. Bye," replied Ron. He tried to slick his hair back, but then he  
remembered he didn't have any. Suddenly Draco Malfoy appeared.  
  
"Ah, if only other people who did not have blonde hair shaved their heads. Blonde is the only decent hair color, so if you don't have blonde hair, you may as well just shave it all off. You are very smart, Ronald. Now about that plan of yours-"  
  
"What plan?" Ron interrupted.  
  
"The plan you were talking about before I pushed you out the window,"  
Draco replied.  
  
"Who are you? Explain to me my plan, because the nurse said I must have lost my memory when I fell, because I don't remember my name."  
  
"Oh," Draco said, trying to hide his happiness. "Well never mind then." He left Ron alone in the hallway. Ron smiled an evil smile. He was mad at Draco for pushing him out the window, so he would just do his plan alone! Then Ron would get all the credit! He nearly skipped back up to his dorm room. 


	4. But I Am Stupid

Chapter 3 But I Am Stupid  
  
Draco skipped as he left Ron in the hallway. He was very happy. Ron had lost his memory!!! Now Ron didn't know what his plan was, so he would't do it! So now Draco could execute Ron's plan and get all the credit! Draco could hardly wait until February 30th.  
  
***************************  
  
Ron was heading back up to his dorm room with Hermione after a long days work of schoolwork. They hadn't seen Harry all day, and they were having a marvelous time without him. They went through the Fat Lady and saw Harry in the common room.  
  
"Look what I did, Ron!" he shouted happily. Harry's head was shaven. Ron screamed, at first like a boy, then like a girl, then like some sort of animal like a cow, then like some sort of foreign being unknown to man. Hermione laughed at Ron's funny scream, then she ran off to get earplugs.  
  
"Now we can be twins, Ron!" said Harry.  
  
"Okay, Harry, tomorrow I am going to wear a wig, okay? So if you want  
to be twins, you have to wear a wig too!" Ron said, trying to hold back another scream.  
  
"Okay!" said Harry. He clapped his hands in glee.  
  
*********************************  
  
The next morning at breakfast, Ron saw Harry wearing a wig.  
  
"Harry, that is a girl's wig," said Ron, who wasn't that surprised. He  
counted the days until February 30th. Only four more days of seeing this stupid person. He couldn't wait.  
  
"Harry, remember Malfoy is going to try to kill you on the evening of  
February 30th, so you have to go to the Forbidden Forest then, okay?"  
  
"Okay." As long as Harry was in the Forbidden Forest on the night of  
February 30th, he could execute his evil plan.. 


	5. The Plot Thickens

Chapter 4  
  
The Plot Thickens  
  
Ron smiled. It was February 30th. He decided to skip all of his classes, just for fun. He wouldn't be able to keep his mind on anything but his plan anyway. All he would have to do now is wait until evening, then go into the forest with Harry. Harry thought the reason they were going into the forest was that Draco was going to kill him. But really, it was himself, Ronald Bartholomew Weasley that would kill him..  
  
****************************  
  
Draco smiled at himself in the mirror.  
  
"You are so evil, Draco," he said to himself. "Evil, yet so smart,"  
he went on. He  
thought about how he had pushed that dumb Ron Weasley out the window  
and stole his plan to kill Harry Potter. And Ron wouldn't do the plan,  
because he lost his memory when he fell. He couldn't wait until after  
dinner....  
  
*******************************  
  
Hermione Granger checked the time. It was 5:45 PM. Just another hour  
and fifteen minutes until she could go into the forest and execute her plan. She had grown sick of everything in this school. But there was one person that she abhorred the most. That person was Harry Potter.. and tonight she would do something about it.  
  
********************************  
  
Ron glanced at Harry.  
  
"Are you ready yet?" Ron asked. "We need to leave before Draco comes and kills you."  
  
"I'm ready!" announced Harry happily. "Let's go, twin brother! Look  
Ron!" Harry held up a pair of fake glasses just like his. "I got this for you! Now we  
  
will be exactly alike!" Inside his head, Ron was screaming, "STOP IDOLIZING ME!". But all he said was,  
  
"Thanks Harry. Let's go." Ron and Harry headed into the forest. So did  
  
Hermione. So did Draco. (They headed into different  
  
parts so they didn't see each other) 


	6. Who the Heck is Scottie?

Chapter 5  
  
Who the heck is Scottie?  
  
Harry walked around the forest with Ron. Harry didn't know why they were walking around, but Harry knew that Ron knew what he was doing, and he didn't want to complain and make Ron mad. Harry spotted a pretty yellow flower a few yards away. He wanted to get it for Ron, so he strayed off. The flower was stubborn. It didn't want to come up out of the ground. Harry gave up finally, because his arms were so weak. He looked around, and then suddenly realized he was alone.  
  
"Ron!" he screamed. No answer  
  
"RONNIE!" he screamed again, louder. No answer.  
  
Harry wept. He was alone, without his best friend.  
  
***********************************  
  
Ron was looking for the perfect place to execute his perfect plan. He had been so happy he hadn't realized Harry wasn't behind him anymore. He stopped at an old, big tree. This was the perfect spot. It was then that he realized that he was alone. He sighed.  
  
"Harry!" he yelled into the darkness. There was no answer. He sighed again. The little freak must have gotten himself into something. Now he would have to go looking for him. He hoped he would remember where the perfect spot was.  
  
********************************  
  
Hermione skipped around in the forest. She had picked out a certain spot to execute her plan before. She had plenty of time, so she dawdled around a bit. She couldn't wait to go to a world where there was no Harry Potter.  
  
*********************************  
  
Draco walked aimlessly in the forest. He knew Harry would be here. It was a Friday night, and Harry was always in the forest on a Friday night, up to good or something. Suddenly he heard a noise. Footsteps. He stopped. The footsteps did not. It must have been Harry. And Harry did not know he was here. He muttered the Killing Curse, guessing in the exact direction. He guessed correctly, for he heard the body fall. He cheered! He had killed Harry Potter! He walked over to the body to draw a mustache  
  
on his ugly face and gasped as he saw the body. The person he had killed was not Harry Potter.  
  
*******************************  
  
Harry Potter started to walk around. He was hysterical.  
  
"Ron! Ronnie!" he screamed, panicking. He began to run. "Ronnie!!! Where are you?" he continued to scream. He wiped the tears away, and tried to tell himself to calm down, that he was a big boy now, he even used the big boy potty most of the time, but it  
  
was no use. He tripped over a branch and fell. He wept. He wept so much.  
  
**************************************  
  
Ron heard it. Someone said the killing curse, and then he heard someone fall. He began to run in the direction to see who died, and who else was in the forest, but soon slowed down so he wouldn't be heard. He knew of only one other person in the forest, and that was Harry. Harry would not, could not of been the one who said the killing curse. It could have been him who had been killed. But if there was another person in the forest, could there be two other people in the forest? Ron yearned to find out, and he  
  
silently walked toward the noise. He bumped into Draco Malfoy.  
  
"You!" they both said at the same time.  
  
"I heard," Ron began. "Who died?" Draco pointed in the direction of the body. Ron hesitantly walked toward it. Ron gasped. It was not Harry Potter. He wept over her precious dead body. After a few minutes of weeping, he ran over to Draco and started beating him up.  
  
"YOU KILLED HER!" he screamed. "WHY DID YOU KILL HER? SHE WAS THE CLOSEST THING I EVER HAD TO A FRIEND!"  
  
"Well, sorry!" said Draco sarcastically. He rolled his eyes. "It was an  
  
accident! I thought she was Harry!"  
  
"SHE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HARRY, THANK GOD!" Ron yelled. Suddenly there was a bright light to his left. He stopped punching Draco and got up off of  
  
him. The light was a spaceship hovering just above the ground. Then he saw Hermione, below the spaceship.  
  
"Beam me up, Scottie," she said. She floated up into the spaceship. The spaceship began to zoom away.  
  
"That doesn't make any sense," remarked Ron.  
  
"Does anything make sense? Does drinking something and you turning into someone else make sense? Does pointing a wand at someone and saying something and them dying make sense?" Draco pointed to Ginny Weasley's dead body. "But your sister is obviously dead. Do you know what she was doing here?"  
  
"No," said Ron.  
  
"Neither do I, that doesn't make sense. And did you realize that today is February 30th, but February doesn't have 30 days in it? That doesn't make sense. But there is one thing that does make sense."  
  
"What's that?" asked Ron.  
  
"I'm going to be in SO much trouble, so I'm getting out of here,"  
replied Draco. He ran off towards the spaceship yelling, "Wait! I want to come too!" Then all of a sudden Harry appeared.  
  
"So do I!" yelled Harry. I want to come on the spaceship too!" The  
spaceship stopped, and beamed up Draco and Harry. The spaceship began to zoom off again, but then stopped. The door opened and they pushed Harry back out of the spaceship. He had a long fall down. Ron didn't know if Harry survived it, and he didn't really care either. He walked back up to the castle, because there wasn't anything left for him here.  
  
THE END  
  
Disclaimer: "Beam me up, Scottie" came from Star Trek. Please don't sue. 


End file.
